I see so to often today that parents want to be their child’s friend versus their parent. That is a mistake. By parents trying to act as their child’s friend, they are basically saying we are peers.
The reality is you are not peers no matter how smart your child may be, you are not peers. Parents have authority over their children to a certain age and rightfully so. It helps to guide and protect them by having this type of relationship.
The problem with parents saying to their children that we are peers is that children are growing up trying to teach themselves everything about how to become an adult and a contributing member of society. We can all see how that is working out.
Crime in general is on the rise with more and more people being incarcerated each year. Children these days think they are entitled to everything and if they or their parents cannot afford it, then it is ok to steal. People cannot resolve their social issues because they have not been taught how. There is a lack or morals in general because we do not want to tell our kids no that is not acceptable or that is wrong. Parents to quickly give in to the tantrums that their children throw just to appease them which leads back to them thinking they are entitled if they whine or shout the loudest.
Does that mean that parents have to act like total dictators and off with their heads if they do not obey? Absolutely not. Parents are their to listen, to nurture, to guide, to teach, to trouble shoot, etc.
My wife and I took on all responsibility for our kids until they were about 12-14 years old. At that point in time we wanted them to start to handle the situations on their own and to come to us if things could not get resolved. Did that mean we just threw them to the wolves and said go figure it out? No. We would ask them what the problem was and ways to solve the problem, then act on those solutions. Sometimes, this meant engaging in conversation with people that were older than them to get whatever needed to be corrected resolved.
We punished our children with either time outs, grounding, taking away things, or a good hard spanking to get the point across. We would sit down and ask them what they thought their punishment should be and initially when they were young it did not seem like much of a punishment and we would decide to either accept or reject their punishment based on the offense. As they grew, they realized that their punishment should meet the offense and often times, they would punish themselves more severely than we would.
God has even instructed us in such matters.
Proverbs 13:24 New International Version (NIV)
24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
This does not mean that you go out and beat your child to a bloody pulp. What is does mean is that parents need to act like parents and punish their children when they do something wrong.
Our kids tell us everything that is going in their lives, or at least we think they do. They talk to us about their boyfriend or girlfriend, they talk to us about difficulties they are having with other people (peers), teachers, parties, etc.
Even with my daughter being 20 years old, I talked to her about a party that she wanted to go to. I thought it was a potentially dangerous situation. I did not ban her from going since she is technically an adult, but I did express great concern for her safety and as such she did not go. I could have let her go without saying a word, but being a person who has partied in the past, I gave her little bits of wisdom so she would avoid certain situations.
I pray that you parents who are acting as your child’s friend that you change to become their parent. They have friends. What they need is guidance and potential discipline. It is not your responsibility to make your kids 100% happy. This will create more problems. It is your responsibility to get your children ready to become adults and contribute to the society. I pray for these things in Jesus name, Amen.