My son recently thanked me in front of a lot of people for being a hard ass. It was a bit embarrassing, but he meant it in a good way, I think.
I have always pushed my children to do the best they can, but I would never do the work for them. I would offer to help if they needed it, but they had to give it their best effort first. If they had absolutely no clue, I would guide them to a solution, but ultimately the solution was theirs.
If they brought home F, D, C, or even a B, I would ask them why and did they do the best job they could. Typically, the answer to did you do the best job you could was always no. So the next question was always, Why?
That got a mixed array of answers from I did not want too, to I thought I knew it, to I will do better this semester. Initially, I was accountable and pretty hard on them for not achieving the best they could, but as time went on I put it into their laps and made them accountable for their decisions.
I am not sure why the 7th grade or earlier now can determine which college you go to or even if you get into college, but it does. This is absolutely ridiculous to put this much stress on our children. Our children need to grow up being children, not miniature adults.
I was never stressed about this for my children like some parents, because if they did not get into a 4 year college, they could get into a 2 year community college and prove that they belong in 4 year college. That is if they even wanted to go to college. No matter what their decision was, I would be there to assist.
I would routinely tell my children to do the best job you can even if that means you are a burger flipper. The reason for telling my children this was to inspire them. I would say that when you do the best job you can, companies will come to you. I have found this to be true. It does not matter if you work for a company or you are your own boss.
Back to me being a hard ass towards my son. I was tough on both my kids, yes. For some reason, our society has equated how much we buy our children, how much we allow our children to do, how much we stay out of our children’s lives as a sign of love. This could not be further from the truth. If you love your children, sometimes it requires you to be tough, sometimes it requires a shoulder to cry on, sometimes it requires you to just listen, sometimes it requires disagreeing with your kids, sometimes it means telling them no, sometimes it means spanking them, sometimes it means giving lectures, sometimes it means making them think, etc. I believe with all my heart that my children knew I loved them growing up and continue to love them now and into the future.
My son who is almost 19 sees how his friends are, that is their parents take care of almost all of their needs. He is amazed how little they can do and how irresponsible they are. This is the future of our country parents and maybe we need to let them succeed and fail early in life so they will be able to make better decisions in the future.