I really had know idea what I was going to talk about tonight, but a discussion with my daughter kind of guided me.
As a parent, I have always tried to make sure that both of my kids knew I loved them equally. When they were young, my wife and I tried to make sure that we spent the same amount on each and gave them the same amount of items at Christmas. Made sure that their birthdays were equivalent as much as possible. Coached both of their sports until a certain age. Attended each of their school and other activities functions as evenly as possible. In other words, I tried to do everything the same as much as possible as I could so that neither child felt that I loved one more than the other.
Well that failed. My daughter was upset tonight because she felt like my wife and I were favoring our son. Well my wife and daughter talked because she was upset. How quickly people forget all the other things you do for them. My wife told me about the conversation and needless to say I got a bit upset. When my daughter walked in, my wife told her I was a bit upset. Not sure why as I would have just kept that to myself.
My daughter does have a right to be upset. She turned 21 this year and we really did not do anything for her birthday. Not because we did not want too, but there was just so much going on and she was away on her birthday and for a week or two after her birthday.
There are a few things I know my daughter likes such as Manga, books to read, certain computer games (not sure which ones), some fantasy, anime, Asian cultures, and sweets. No that is not all she likes, but those are the things that come to mind as I am writing this post. She is also into a lot of other things such as children’s ministry, religious group on campus, and part of a student consulting group. While I know these things, I also feel like at times I do not know her and not really sure how to communicate with her. She loves to argue back no matter what, likes to make excuses for everything which I cannot stand or she will use her favorite phrase which is “I am getting better with that”.
I want her to be her own person and I would like to be part of her life. However I feel like she is going through the time in her life where she wants to be somewhat independent yet she wants us to know everything. I guess it is a sort of validation of her as an adult. You do not need me to validate your actions. You need to use what we have taught you over the years and if there is something you wish to discuss, then come and talk to us. My wife and I may or may not agree with your decision, but that is because we view things slightly different.
I have never played favorites and I never will. Well that is a lie. When it comes to my family, I will play favorites over others. Sorry! I will help others, but I will be more likely to help those in my family first.
I am thankful that God does not play favorites. He loves all of us equally. It does not mean He will not punish some more than others, but that is because He wants you to be with Him forever and if it takes a harsher lesson to learn, then so be it.