I remember growing up how angry my dad was at home, at work, on the road while driving. I never thought about it much at the time. I just thought that was normal behavior. I remember one of his phrases was Baltimorons. If you have not figured it out, I grew up around Baltimore MD. Yes there were bad drivers back in the 60s, 70, and 80s. Can you imagine that people drove terrible even back then, or did they?
As I grew from a toddler into adult hood, my view of my father changed. I decided I never wanted to be like him. He was an angry man for absolutely no reason. I quickly realized that he was not happy with his life, but not really sure why.
As I continued to grow and develop, we really went our different paths. He was constantly disappointed in me, or it appeared to be that way. We would fight/argue and I would just leave. It got so bad between us that one day he grabbed me as though he was going to hurt me and I picked him up off the floor with my left arm (my weak arm) and drove him back into the door. I quickly let go because I realized what I had done and wrong it was.
As I continued to grow into my middle twenties and thirties, we grew more and more apart. I wanted nothing to do with him and actually felt that if my mom died, I was not going to take him in. I did not care what happened to my father. Wow, what a horrible way to live.
In my thirties I got married to a great woman and had two wonderful kids. Until this point in my life, I really had no stress. I was in college, grad school, I had to pay rent, pay utility bills, and that was about it. Now I had a wife and two kids to care for and what happened, my stress level changed. Who did I become like in some ways? You guessed it, my father. I was not as angry at the world as he was, but I definitely became angrier. Do not get me wrong, I would not change anything. It has made me into the person that I am today. However, I was also not happy with who I had become.
My parents came down for one Christmas and my father started. He asked me why I was yelling at people all the time. It hit me like a ton of bricks, but being quick witted, I guess, I cam back with “Aren’t you glad what you have raised? I am just like you.” He replied with “I never yelled at people the way you do.” I laughed and said “You have got to be kidding me, that is all you did.” We continued to argue and he was going to leave. I went out to convince him that he should not leave and used my mom as an excuse. To be honest, I am not sure what would have happened if he had left and I did nothing. I can only guess that our relationship would be more strained, but by me going outside it seemed to mellow the mood and our relationship changed some.
The other day, my son said he wanted to be like me. I was flattered and scared. I asked him why? He had some good responses, but I ultimately followed it up with all of my flaws, or what I think are flaws. Yet he still wants to be like me. I told him thank you, but there is one that he should try to be more like and that is Christ. I also told him that the Lord was a better role model as a father than I and he should try to be more like Him.
Think about it, the Lord forgives and it is gone He does not hold it against you time after time.
Isaiah 43:25 New International Version (NIV)
25 “I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.
If you ask you shall receive, but remember when you are asking it is done with righteousness in mind, not self serving selfish attitude. You will ask for those things that you know will please the Lord.
Matthew 7:7-8 New International Version (NIV)
Ask, Seek, Knock
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
The Lord is love
1 John 4:8 New International Version (NIV)
8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
God sacrificed all so you could live
John 3:16 New International Version (NIV)
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.