I have been married for 20 years and I could not ask for a better partner than my wife. She is an amazing woman for whom I would do just about anything, but I find myself not sexually attracted to her at the moment. I want to be, but she has gone from 120 pounds to almost 240 pounds. I am no skinny dude, I weigh in at about 260 and when we met I was about 180ish. She is still attracted to me sexually, but I find it hard to reciprocate. Does that make me a pig in the female eyes, maybe.
Lets get one thing straight, I do not think my weight is at all acceptable. I use to be able to drop pounds without too much trouble, but as I have gotten older that has become increasingly difficult. I need to make a life style change and I am working on it, but my wife could careless. Her blood pressure is getting higher, her cholesterol is getting higher, her sugar is getting higher and frankly besides the physical appearance, I am worried about her health. My numbers are decent because I do heavy weight resistance and some cardio, but I know that unless I change, those numbers could change.
Fortunately or unfortunately, most men are visual beings. Not saying that is correct, but when something attractive catches our eye it does not mean we do not love the person we are with. We like physically attractive things or people. It does mean that when we find something or someone that is physically unattractive, it makes it that much harder. What is attractive for one man is not necessarily attractive for another. A lot of men have tried to change their behavior because the woman or partner they are with get upset.
All I have to say to the partner is get over yourself. Your man is not saying he does not love you or want you. So give him a break if he happens to look at something or someone and finds it attractive. Unless he is comparing you to that person or thing, then that is a different matter and you should get upset. The other condition is if he is saying things like if I were not married to you I would go after that, sorry guys that is unacceptable. Guys, you can look, but you cannot be obsessed nor can you touch or have lustful thoughts. You are married and with that you made a promise, so keep it.
Lets get back to my wife. Am I saying she has to weigh 120 pounds again for me to be attracted to her, heck no. Am I saying that I will never have sex with her because of her weight, no. Am I saying it is a bit harder to have sex with her, yes. My biggest concern like I have said is her health. Besides all those numbers, she is very tired all the time and has very little energy to do anything. All of these indicate to me that her health is deteriorating.
So what does the Bible say about loving your wife:
Ephesians 5:25-33 New International Version (NIV)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
There are other versus and I will cover those on a different day. So guys do you love yourself and are you loving your wife in the same manner or are you very selfish?
I pray that you and your wife can communicate in such a way as to understand each other. I pray that you will love each other as God has intended.
God bless.