Why do people complain?

Complainer, Contentment

I am sure you all have a friend, spouse, sibling, parent, or it may even be you that complains about almost everything.  But why do people complain?

There are several reasons such as:

  • We see life as not being fair
  • Things are out of our control
  • Unhappiness
  • Jealousy of others
  • We lack empathy
  • To avoid responsibility and taking action
  • To provide validation for our beliefs
  • We don’t understand other people’s differences
  • We just need to make others feel as miserable as they feel
  • There are under spiritual attack

Are those all the reasons, I am sure they are not, but it is all I could think of at the moment.  So ask yourself this one question, “Am I complaining too much?”  If you think the answer is yes, then the real question is what are you going to do about it?  Do you want to stop complaining?  I ask these questions because the more articles I read with comments the more I see people who just need to complain about something.

I recently read an article about an elderly lady that was basically moved to a high tech cottage that looks like it was a converted shed.  While she may not have initially been happy, she seems to be adjusting.  However, instead of focusing on the positives, most of the people seemed to focus on negative aspect of the building and the family.  Lets look at the facts, we do not have them all. We do not know why the family wanted to move the Granny out, but we do know she went willingly and seems to have adapted.  We do know that the house is very high tech to aid with assisted living and is close enough that the family can help as necessary.  We do know that the family was seeking the best way to care for their Granny.  In my opinion, the family has shown great love because they could have put her into a nursing home, but did not want to do that.

But what does the bible say about complaining?

Philippians 2:14-15 New International Version (NIV)

14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”[a] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky

James 4:1-3 New International Version (NIV)

Submit Yourselves to God

4 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

James 5:9 New International Version (NIV)

9 Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!

You may be going great, but I want to stop complaining but am not really sure how.

  1. Focus on the positives instead of the negatives.  This may not be an easy task, but your attitude will change when you start to focus on the positive.
  2. Learn how to adapt.  Whether you like it or not, things are going to change and I mean everything will change.  You do not have to necessarily like the change, but if you do not learn to adapt to the changes you will be miserable.
  3. Cope with the present. So many people want to live in the past or they are worried about the future.  You cannot change the past and you cannot control the future. The only person you can control is yourself and how you are going to live.  So live for the present.
  4. Take responsibility in that when you do make a mistake, own it.  Respect others and yourself. It is ok to temporarily focus on the mistake so you do not make it again, but do not let it control your life.  Learn to accept and move on.
  5. Move forward.  Learn to stop dwelling on the past things and the negativity that comes along with it.  Problems or even trials are temporary, in that they will pass.
  6. Be assertive in that you are allowed to tell someone how feel, what your needs are, how those feelings and needs can be met.  Be confident in who you are.  When you lack confidence the stuff you say comes out as complaining.  In other words, learn to communicate effectively.
  7. Stop judging. We are only human after all as the saying goes and we will make mistakes. Sometime things are out of your control and you need to learn to accept that.  Instead of judging, learn to compliment yourself and others for the work that was done.
  8. Deliverance.  You may be under spiritual attack and need deliverance.  This does not mean you are possessed, but have a stronghold that needs to be addressed.  It is recommended that you seek some professional counseling if deliverance is what you need. Doing self deliverance is not a good idea.
  9. Pray about everything.  This is probably one of the most important aspects of learning to stop complaining.  God wants us to seek him and ask him for help. So when you see yourself complaining, stop take captive the thoughts and pray to God to help you with whatever situation you are in.

Christ is the Great Physician and can help you with your complaining if you simply ask.  So ask!

Updated: October 30, 2015 — 3:06 pm