The other night I talked about dads and daughters, so tonight I will attempt to talk about moms and daughters. If you could not tell, I am not a female so all of this is based on my observations and own limited understanding.
Daughters are seeking a figure they can emulate and moms are that person. If a growing female does not get what she think she needs from her mom, she will seek it elsewhere.
Our daughter in your youth was taking piano lessons. We know she liked going to this particular instructor, not because she liked her as a teacher, but because this person gave her undivided attention. In other words, my daughter was using the instructor as almost a surrogate mother. When some friends moved down from Massachusetts, the lady was into crochet, cooking, sewing, and other things that some would consider more female type activities. My daughter wanted to hand out with her a good bit. Now that changed after a while, but still it was that attention she got from another female.
My wife and daughter are amazing woman, but they are completely different. My daughter likes the typical female stuff, clothes, shoes, makeup, and hair, but she also like Asian culture, crafts, music, reading, and anime. Now she has other likes as well, but this is just for comparison. My wife likes to dance, George Strait, candy crush, Yahtzee, and reading. To be honest I am not sure what else if anything my wife likes and I have known her for about 24 years now. I know she loves Jesus and God
It was and I am sure still is difficult for my wife and daughter to build a relationship. It is not to say they did not build one, but I wonder at times how strong it is. The one thing I know they like to do is talk/gossip. I would not call it so much gossip, but I am sure to another it could seem that way. What else do they have in common: reading, cards, and occasionally finger/toe nail painting. I am not sure they have anything else in common.
While there is a special mother-daughter bond, it is not like a father-daughter bond. My wife and daughter go at it a lot. Neither one can be wrong and neither will stop. It is usually me that has had enough and tells them to stop. I am sure in almost every household where there is a mother and daughter, you will find this type of behavior. I am not saying it is a bad thing, but just different.
Do not get me wrong, my wife loves our daughter and would do anything for her. However, it is there interaction with each other and the amount of time they spend together that is of concern. I cannot say it is this way in every household, but I would venture to say it is probably pretty common. My wife has a pretty close relationship with her mom because of the issues her mom had and the help my wife gave and continue to gives.
While my wife and her mom have a strong bond, that same bond is not there between my wife and our daughter. Now I know my wife will read this sometime and probably disagree, but like I said at the beginning, this is based on my observation.
Moms if you are struggling to have a relationship with your daughter, take a step back and ask why? You do not have to have the same interests as her, but spend time with her and get to know her. Above all else listen. Now I know that you are the parent and you will not be best friends as it is your job to protect your daughter and tell her when she is going to do something stupid that may endanger her life, but it is how you present that information that will make the difference between having a great relationship versus one that is mediocre to none existent.
I pray that every mom out there can start to have a good to great relationship with their daughter.