I am not sure about you, but with the exception of what is written in the Bible, I find it hard to do Gods will. You may wonder why and it is because I am not sure I am in tune with God. It is not God’s fault, but mine.
I rejected God twenty to thirty years ago. I never really grew up in a Christian household. I am busy and never really make time for God. I rely upon my reading of the bible on a daily basis as my sole relationship with God. I am not 100% sure how a Christian should act. I can tell you that I have very little if any relationship with Christ. I have other issues which I know are sin, but have not fully given those up. Is it any wonder why I am so messed up?
My wife said to me after I wanted to try hunting that it would be easier for me to kill a human than an animal. I did not disagree with her. I never plan on killing another human, but I would do that in a heart beat if I had too to protect myself or my family.
When I was much younger, I had no problems getting into fights and beating a guy who was 3 to 4 years older than myself up. Yeah I may get hit, but that was ok as long as I got my licks in. I remember going ahead of parents while we were walking around the block to his house and by the time they got there, I had given him a bloody nose, black eye, and a bloody mouth. I also remember wanting to hit my best friend at the time and actually threw a punch at him. He ducked and I broke the window on the back door to his house. I cut my hand up, but I did not care. I wanted to beat the crap out of this person. I am still that way today, but now I have had some training.
I am not making excuses, none of that behavior was Christian like. However, like I said my household was not really a Christian house. Sure we went to church, but that was about the extent of it. My parents never really acted like Christ and have not in the years that followed.
As an adult I could blame all of this on my parents, but is it really their fault? No!
I can learn to practice what I read, and I am trying, but changes are hard when you have lived a certain way. However, if I trust the Lord and let Him mold me to be the person that He wants me to be, then anything is possible. It may mean I am more like Peter than some of the others and that is okay.
Lord I know that I am hard headed and sometimes it take a 2×4 or even bricks upside the head to make me wake up. I would rather have you mold me like clay versus iron that is hammered on an anvil, but do what you must to make me into the person that you want me to be.